What Is A 'Sexual Destiny' Mindset, And Is It Affecting Your Sex Life?

What Is A 'Sexual Destiny' Mindset, And Is It Affecting Your Sex Life?
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You lock eyes with a sexy stranger from across the room. Moments later, he walks over, and you can feel your body begin to tingle with each word he whispers as he leans in closer. You exchange numbers and maybe kisses and are excited to see where it will go. He asks you out for the following weekend, and you can't believe how similar his interests are to yours.

A few dates later, you do the deed, and damn, do you do it well! The big "O" comes without question, and you never have to worry that you're not meeting his needs or that he won't meet yours. Each time you're together it's fun, and divinely effortless. You wouldn't have it any other way. And you lived and rode happily into the sunset, reverse cowgirl style.

Let's be honest: do you envision this sort of bareback fairy tale for yourself? Or a better question, Do you think that sexual compatibility is something that you need to work at, or should come naturally? 

It's the difference between believing that "struggles in a sexual relationship are a sign the relationship is destined to fail" or "in order to maintain a good sexual relationship, a couple needs to exert time and energy." 

University of Toronto researcher Jessica Maxwell conducted research on these ways of thinking, defining them as your sexual destiny mindset. Either you believe in it, and put less work into your bedroom affairs, or you don't, and you work hard to start and maintain sexual chemistry with someone. According to Maxwell's research published in her blog, "our pattern of results suggests that those who are higher in sexual growth beliefs – who think sex takes work – are more satisfied in their sex lives and overall relationships."

But why is it that a sexual growth mindset sets you up for better sex? Well, it doesn't allow you to take a base level attraction for granted. You'll work to understand what your partner likes, and try new things to heighten your shared pleasure. There's an element of effort and flexibility in and outside of the bedroom that can allow it to actually flourish.

Sounds like a good idea to us.

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