It's an unfortunate part of like that you can't control what happens to you. The only thing you can control is your reaction. Some people experience a failure, setback, or conflict, and are able to bounce right back into action, while others may need more time to get back out there.
What's the difference in mindset between the two? How can you become an authentically resilient person who makes mistakes, learns from them, and moves on to bigger and better things? Read on to find out.
1. Having a hold on affective forecasting
Harvard professor Dan Gilbert has researched
affective forecasting, which is how badly you predict you'll feel after any given event. Turns out we usually expect the worst, but the reality of the bad things is often that they're not that bad. If you're able to understand that even the worst-case scenario coming to fruition isn't an end-all, you'll be able to anticipate being more resilient.
2. Having your psychological immune system in check
When you have the flu, sometimes it only lasts a couple days, and other times you're out of commission for weeks. Emotional events can have a similar toll. How healthy are you emotionally? Take the time you need to
fully bounce back from what had bogged you down, and you'll be more resilient.
3. Rewriting your story
While it's important to acknowledge room for growth, it's even more crucial to be clear on your story of what happened, and re-frame it to be the most empowering, lesson-filled rendition yet. It's part of loving yourself a little bit, about not being overly self-condemning. Try it out, write it down even. Oh and don't judge your writing either. Just have at it for 20 minutes and see how you feel.
4. Know actions say more than your self-image
What would your actions look like without context, or on mute? Take into account how your actions and reactions look to others by taking full responsibility for what you do, regardless of what others do, and hone the confidence that comes with living a life that is rooted in thoughtful discourse, and thus, resilience.
5. Consciously act the way you want to be
If someone calls you a name and it stings, ask yourself: "is that because I partially feel that it's true?" Rather than resigning yourself to fitting that less-than-flattering mold, instead take direct actions to combat the faulty label. Has someone called you self-centered? Combat that by committing to some volunteer work. Has someone else called you hot-headed? Take up meditation and pause before you speak in future conversation.